


everything's a blur to me

by itsjustcherries



Category: Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Angst, Brotp Spot n Kath, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Panic Attacks, Swearing, Title from a Waterparks Song, Toxic Masculinity, Trans Spot Conlon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:09:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25592560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsjustcherries/pseuds/itsjustcherries
Summary: Spot's brother comes home and Spot's not ready to face him.
Relationships: Jack Kelly/Katherine Plumber, Spot Conlon/Racetrack Higgins
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	everything's a blur to me

_**Shut down the gold rush in my head  
Because we’re out of work** _

It had started with just a ding from his phone. Just one of his older cousins, Maria, messaging him to make sure he was already aware of what might come. 

_**I’m living proof of compromise  
Be back in ten with no return** _

Spot couldn’t believe that his brother had returned so soon. He couldn’t believe it when he felt the house slightly shake from the front door slamming downstairs. 

_**I’m sick of being in Houston  
I’m sick of everything, I’ve been around enough to get used to** _

“Fuck,” he cursed, already feeling his chest tighten, like an invisible boot stepping on him, crushing him into the ground.

He wasn’t ready for him to be back. He wasn’t prepared. He hadn’t hidden the flags or the photos of him and Race. How was he going to hide the appointment in June?

_**I’m proof of consequences  
And exhausted common sense** _

Pushing his chair away from his desk, he stood, muttering worriedly to himself as he tried to sort of out what he needed to fix and how fast he could do it so he wouldn’t face the wrath of his older brother.

His eyes scanned the room, trying to pick up on every little detail, he knew he wouldn’t care about leftover notebooks or pencils and he wouldn’t bat an eye when it came to his skateboards against the wall but…

_The pride flag._

_**And I kill what I built  
The commonless confidence** _

He rushed away from his spot near his desk and over to the flag, which was hung over his window. It looked really pretty when the sun shone in and he knew it would’ve looked even better with the summer light, but he had to hide it.

Frowning, he pulled it off of the wall, taking the hooks that held it there with it. He bunched it up into a ball in his hands and tossed it under his bed. He’d find a better place later. 

He glared out the window, the once scared thoughts turning to angry ones. He shouldn’t have to do this every time he came back. It was stupid. It was _his_ life. Why did his _brother_ care? Why did anyone care what he did? Nobody cared when he broke down in front of the entire school during a speech. Nobody cared when he had to leave class for his anxiety. Nobody cared when he snuck out to see his friends or got into fights.

Why did he matter _now_? 

_**I’m two-faced from your double exposure** _

He could feel rage burning inside him like a small fire and with each thought, more wood was being added, the fire growing larger and hotter. He wanted it gone. He wanted everything, his stupid problems, his stupid brother, to go away.

That’s when his fist connected with the glass.

_**Stop right there, don’t come any closer** _

He was surprised it shattered so quickly and easily, but even more surprised at the shards now sticking out of his arm.

“Why isn’t it hurting?” he asked out loud, praying nobody heard it.

Spot winced, feeling it start to sting.  
“Nevermind, it hurts..” 

He backed himself up, slowly, towards his nightstand where he slumped down a bit. It wasn’t super bad that he was going to pass out, but he could feel himself start to shake as his vision became a bit blurry.

Words he had heard before, over and over from almost everyone around him (except his friends), came back to him.

_Boys don’t cry._

“Boys don’t cry. Boys don’t cry,” he repeated quietly to himself, wiping at his eyes with his uninjured hand.

_**I’m two-faced from your double exposure** _

He felt his phone buzz in his back pocket and he clumsily fished around for it. He opened his messages and took a photo of the shattered glass before him. It seemed weird, but he knew he was going to be asked about his hand and he wanted to address it now rather than freak out about it later when asked.

 _‘Yeah, I don’t know what happened either.’_ he sent, not expecting the quick reply from Katherine moments later.

_‘ARE YOU O K A Y’_

He thought on that question for a few moments. He couldn’t really tell, he couldn’t steady his breathing or his shaking long enough for him to focus and evaluate the situation. He really couldn’t even see the screen that well with his glasses being across the room somewhere.

 _‘don’t know.’_ he replied.

_‘SPOT_

_DO YOU HAVE A FIRST AID KIT’_

A lot of worried and tired text exchanges later, Kath and Jack were coming over, which Spot really didn’t want. 

The good part about that was he wouldn’t have to clean up the shards alone and maybe he’d be able to calm down with his friends around.

_**Stop right there, don’t come any closer** _

As he waited for the two of them to appear through his window, he continued to whisper to himself, trying to stop the tears that were streaming down his cheeks.

“Boys don’t cry.”

_**I wish I was royal but I’m not.** _

After what felt like forever, the chaotic duo popped through the window, Jack coming in first to push some of the glass out of the way so Katherine didn’t step on any.

_**You won’t like what you see  
So keep your eyes off of me** _

Spot smiled as his two friends appeared in front of him. Jack gave a small wave while Kath headed straight over to him, holding the first aid kit she’d brought.

She knelt down beside him as she opened up the kit and gave him a small, reassuring smile.

“Jack’s gonna sweep up the glass. Are you hurt? I can try and clean your wounds up,” she asked.

Spot shook his head. “A b-bit but, like I told you, I’m fine..” he replied.

Katherine shrugged, a smug look on her face as she started to get to work on the shards in his hand. “Well, I already broke the bandages and rubbing alcohol out, so you can’t stop me.”

“Guess so.” He chuckled and nodded, gritting his teeth at the stinging sensation of the rubbing alcohol.

As Katherine continued to work, Spot pulled out his phone once more and quickly texted Race, who had been asking the same question everyone else had: _‘Are you okay? Do you need me to pick you up?’_

_‘Yeah, they should be done soon, just be quiet. I’ll come out there.’  
‘Okay, see you in 15.’_

_**I fall in love with everything  
That wants nothing to do with me** _

The two sat in silence for a while as Kath worked on his cuts and Jack finished up cleaning.

“I’m guessing you don’t want to talk about it?” she asked, sitting back as she finished her work. 

He nodded. “Yeah…just, not right now. Maybe in a bit,” he replied, nearly choking on his words as he tried to get them out. It had been maybe fifteen minutes since he broke down but yet he still couldn’t stop shaking.

“That’s fine. Do you have anywhere to stay? I’m guessing you don’t want to stay home.”  
“Not sure.”  
“Well, my place is always available. And any of the boys would welcome you with open arms.”

“Thanks.”  
“Do you need us to do anything else?”

_**I know that there’s no dealing  
With the way I’m feeling** _

He hesitated on his answer before sighing.

“Can you…stay for a few more minutes? I can’t calm down…” he asked.

“Of course, just try to breathe,” Katherine replied calmly, settling down beside him.  
“I can’t.”  
“Okay, okay, do you have an inhaler?” she asked, starting to look around a bit wildly as she noticed his breathing worsen.

“The bathroom cabinet,” he wheezed, pointing in the direction of the small bathroom just outside his room.

Katherine nodded as she got up and quickly headed over in that direction, reappearing a few moments later with the small device.  
Spot took it from her and immediately tried to steady himself with it. It took a few minutes but eventually, he started to calm down.

_**I’m so out of touch with everyone  
And everything’s a blur to me** _

“Thank you.”  
“Of course. Do you need water or anything?”  
“No, just stay, if you want..”

“We can if you want. We just want you to feel safe.”  
“I’ll be fine.”  
“Are you sure? You can come with us, it’s perfectly fine.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Okay, as long as you don’t break any more glass or shit, you scared the shit out of us.”

_**Everything’s a blur to me…** _

Spot looked down, feeling like he had been scolded by his mother like he was a child. “Sorry…” he mumbled.

“We all just really care about you. We wouldn’t know what to do if you got seriously hurt. Now take this plastic crap,” she said, pulling out a bag of Twizzlers from her bag and tossing them to him.

His face lit up at the sight of the red candy and he quickly tore into the bag, shoving a few of them into his mouth. “These are so good!” 

Katherine giggled at his excitement for them. “Need anything else? We can stay with you while you wait for Racer?” she offered, knowing he was on his way by now.

He shook his head as he started to stand up, taking his Twizzler bag with him. “No, I’ll be okay. Thank you, Kath.”

“No problem, we’re only one call away if you need us,” she reminded him, giving him a small hug before slowly retreating back over to Jack who had been patiently waiting by the window for the past five or so minutes.

“I couldn’t ask for a better friend,” he said quietly.

“And nobody could find a better friend than you,” she replied, giving him a small salute before she descended down from his window.

**Author's Note:**

> hey y'all!  
> drink water!  
> eat something!  
> stay safe!


End file.
